It's a bit ironic that when I finally feel used to Chilean culture, I'm heading home! I know that it will be difficult to adjust to American culture again after being around chilenos que son de piel.
When you're leaving a place, lots of strange and conflicting emotions arise. Sometimes there's regret from feeling like maybe you could have done a little more. Maybe I could have gone out more, maybe I could have tried harder to make English club take off, maybe...maybe I should have done more. But then you have to take a step back and realize all that you've accomplished. I admit that I was feeling kind of down today, wondering if I made that much of an impact, but I saw all of my students with booths for a project they had been working on all year for another class. They exclaimed, ''Hello Miss!'' and explained their projects in English! (Try explaining a solar-powered cell-phone charger in another language!). I was so proud of them!
There's of couse sadness because you're going to be leaving your students and people that you have grown close to. There's possibly indecision about the future because the place that you lived has touched you and changed you as a person. Some days I think I'm going to come back and stay in Chile forever and ever! Then I realize the compexities of teaching here and I feel more affirmed in my decision to study speech pathology in the states. But I don't feel quite at home in either place and I flip flop on where I want to 'start my life'. I have itchy feet to get out of rural Ohio and explore a new place that finds a spot in my heart like Chile has.
Maybe there's insecurities too. I keep seeing engagement and baby pictures on Facebook while I'm hopping continents in South America, or I hear about people meeting their pololos (boyfriends) while they're volunteering in Chile. I hear about people starting grown-up jobs or going to graduate school, and I start to wonder if I'm on the right path. But I assure myself that everything has folded out exactly the way it should, and what is meant to happen in the future will happen.
Sometimes I forget that everyone goes through these emotions, especially in the 'growing-phase' of being a 20-something. Heck, I think most people in the program are probably going through the same thing as I am!
But when all those negative emotions arise, you have to feel them, release them, and procede with confidence. I admit that the confidence and making decisions is not my forte. I got some slack for doing this program from some people I know because it's not a paid position, and I let myself wallow in that indecision. (Oh my gosh, did I make the wrong choice?). But I realize that when people disagree with you, that's when you really have to be confident in what you are doing. You don't have to know everything in the universe about said decision to be sure that it's what you want to do.
But in this basket of emotions I mostly feel thankful to have been able to meet such wonderful people in Chile, to bond with hard-working students, to inspire students to learn English, to work with dedicated staff, and to feel so at home at Netland school. I know that my experience might not be typical and I feel like I got the best of everything: a great host family, supportive and knowledgable staff, and amazing students! So if you are reading this, THANK YOU, because you probably helped make my stay in Chile such a wonderful and rewarding experience. I know that I'll always have a little piece of Chile in my heart!
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| My seventh graders threw my a Thanksgiving feast! :) |
In the future: What I wish I knew before teaching in Chile!
